Aargh! May 7, 2008

I am counting the days til summer vacation!  Not that it is much of one.  I still have to teach summer school and jumpstart to make the ends meet.  But there is so much to do before then:

I have to pack up my room ( I am moving classrooms and the building is being painted).

I have to finish all my assessments and file everything.

I still have 2 weeks of lessons that I need materials for and cannot pack.

I need to finish Juliana’s baby blanket before next Wed.  It’s looking iffy.

I was supposed to go to Scrabble Club in Scottsdale tonight.  I had such a great time last week, even though I was totally humbled w/ a 1-3 negative 300 point spread.  But I must’ve eaten something that didn’t agree.  I left work 15 min early to head home to recuperate.  So, I missed the club.  I did, however, watch a really lame night of Tuesday TV and knit on the blanket.  I also ate way too much food - couscous, pasta, a glass of sangria, etc.  

This is what happens when I stay home.  Yuck. Time for bed.

Another day, another dollar! April 28, 2008

It’s a Monday and I am officially unenthused.  I woke up to go running, but the computer, breakfast, and pure laziness were whispering seductively to me.  Now there is no time for a jog.  The good news is that I have dinner/running plans tonight, so it will still get done.  I need to eat well today.  Yesterday I went a little berserk with these toffee ice cream bars and ate the whole box, nearly.  I worked it into my points, but still.

I am starting testing today - sigh.  It will be a long 2 weeks, with all those K-3 classes to see.  But the end of the year is coming.  And I can manage.  It is money and keeps me busy.  So, those are both positives.  I know I will be really excited when I am back in the classroom next year!

Sabotage April 26, 2008

I am trying to use the WW system to lose some of this weight.  In college I ran a lot and ate with the “points” and got to a healthy 135.  Then I slowly gained that back.

A few years ago I tried it again to great success and made it to 124 ( a number I never knew existed!).  I stayed at that weight for about 6 months and again, started getting sloppy and subsequently gained weight.  It is disheartening to know that I have to repeat my attempts that were so successful.

I want to be a healthy, normal, average weight.  Last weigh in had me around 170.  I am PRAYING to be in the 160s this week.  I am a little trepidatious that I may not do so well.  I want to stay positive, but I know that I started to crumble by the end of the week in my weight loss efforts.

The beginning of the week involved planning my meals and having everything ready.  The end of the week, when on Wed and Thu I was at work from 8 AM - 8PM wasn’t planned at all and I started to watch my points only to just eat what I wanted anyway.  Yesterday was payday treats and Band Practice (AKA happy hour).

I ran 2 miles everyday except for yesterday.  I am even going for a jog this morning.  So the fitness part is okay for right now.

My problem is that I eat WAY too much, WAY to often.  I want to be thin.  I want to be happy.  I want to wear my beautiful clothes that no longer fit.  Why do I sabotage myself like I do?

Any thoughts?

Beach Babe Body April 21, 2008

I’ve been delinquent for far too long in taking care of my body.  I probably should have gotten more motivated before this, but at least I am ready and here, right now. 

In June I am heading to the Jersey shore for a week of family, fun, and sun.  I am super excited.  I just need to lose some weight, get tanned, and start practicing my beachy attitude.

In that vein, I slept a full 9 hours (a beach babe needs her Zs).  I got up and ran jogged 2 miles.  I flat ironed my hair, got all lotiony, and used the bronzer.  

Anyone have any other tips or tricks for getting a beach look in the desert?

The weekend is here… April 19, 2008

and it snuck up fast.  Work was fine this week - lower on drama.  I was lazy about exercising and eating.  I pretty much ate what I wanted to even though I am supposed to be doing weight watchers.  sigh. 

this weekend I am dog/house sitting for a friend.  this is good b/c i won’t eat all her food!  she has a nice pool and a dog to walk.  i am also babysitting a 2 year old and ditto to the above.  i will take her on a long walk and play in the pool and avoid treats.  

Maybe i will get struck by inspiration and determination.

Juno April 16, 2008

I bought it.  I watched it.  I yearned for a cigarette.  I lamented my very proper and uneventful adolescence.  I made a mojito and sat in the silence.  Then, I watched Meth: Crystal Darkness and really wanted a cigarette.  I settled for 4 slices of bread with apple butter.  I cleaned the kitty litter box and that took away all food impulses.  I still want a cigarette.

I made a great to-do list… April 14, 2008

And I did very little on it.  Sigh.  I woke up and D called.  I then called Biff.  Went and got a few games for the DS, took out trash, and am dyeing my hair.  Went to Brandy’s for a bbq.  I haven’t been on my diet, or even ate moderately healthy.  To compensate, I went hiking with Chelly this afternoon.  I wonder how many calories I negated.  Maybe 200?  Sigh.

But I was chatting with a cousin of Brandy’s at the bbq and we were talking about tattoos.  I was telling her I wanted a butterfly over the back piece I already have.  Then I realized - I can’t get one with the back fat!!!  Time to get skinny!  Geez!  I am supposed to go to WW tomorrow.  But I am low on cash and don’t feel confident about weighing in at all.  I am going to drink lots of water, eat carrots, and pray.

bring on the mala beads

Just when I make a plan… April 12, 2008

I went to work yesterday, not feeling my A-game, so to speak.  But things were looking up and I was full steam ahead when I got blindsided by a furious co-worker.  I was at fault for talking about her.  I was a bit justified b/c she has been nasty and it is not easy to approach.  I am not argumentative and in a fight, the words disappear, I get teary eyed in frustration, and it is a real mess.  Anyway, she had it all planned out and I wasn’t ready. I got chicken-y and didn’t stick up for myself.  She left feeling all vindicated, I suppose.  Nothing was resolved and I have to work with her very closely next year.  Sigh.

I couldn’t stop crying all day.  It seems once a tear leaked out, the levy broke and I was sobbing away.  

The Universe does help me out, b/c a few minutes later, a good friend texts me accompany her to a winery for a tasting and some shopping.  How lucky was I?  

But so, here I make a plan to be a better person and I am right away confronted with the fact that I am not always nice and I need to not “vent” to people I work with, b/c it all somehow gets around.

And here I am… April 11, 2008

I don’t know if anyone will read this.  And maybe that is totally the point.  

I want to begin journaling here, making it public and yet not public.  

I’ve got goals to work on here:

1. be brave enough to look for love

2. learn to be more stoic about the big things and more accepting of the little things

3. smile more and forgive more easily

4. lose 20 lbs

5. finish knitting Juliana’s baby blanket (and to make it w/o resentment)

I might get a little Bridget Jones and chronicle the number on the scale and my mood.  I might post at night, when it’s easier to be introspective and reflect on the choices I have made.  This could be good, this thing.